Letter to my Son

Well I am potentially days or weeks away from having my little boy in my arms and I thought I should write one more post before the craziness of life with a newborn hits!  I didn't know what to write for this blog but I wrote a letter to my little guy months ago and I thought I would post it.  It doesn't exactly relate to mental health but I think a lot of what I wrote to him has come through my journey and my struggles with mental health, along with life lessons in general.  I truly hope that my life can be an example and testimony to him of where my hope lies and that no matter how I am feeling physically or emotionally, I can point him to Christ and model what I have learned thus far.  While I would never wish him to struggle with his mental health, I can honestly say that I would not wish away my struggles and pain because of what they have taught me and how God has used them to shape my character into someone I hope looks more like Christ.  So while I pray he does not suffer in the same way I have, if he does, I hope he can see the strength and beauty that has come from my journey and look to the same hope and comfort in the Lord.  Anyway, here is my letter and my prayers for this precious little one that God has gifted Matt and I with.  

To my sweet little boy,

Today I thought about you and I thought about what I want for you in life.  I thought about what all mothers must want for their children.  I thought about the future and about your hopes and dreams.  I thought about what I want you to do and be and about who you are.  My heart aches with the thought that you will be hurt and that you will suffer in life and that people will let you down and disappoint you.  I thought about how safe you are inside me right now, probably the safest you will ever be here on earth and how I long to protect you forever.  This fear is something that can paralyze me.  But then I thought about the pain I have experienced and the suffering that has come my way.  I thought about the people who have let me down and how no one here on earth can protect me from being hurt.  I remembered the One who holds my heart and who will never let me down.  I remembered who is always by my side whenever I feel alone.  I remember that all the suffering and pain I have experienced is under His control and is shaping me and making me into someone more beautiful and whole and free than I could ever have become on my own.  So this is my letter to you…this is my wish list and my prayer for you…

I do not wish for you happiness.  Happiness comes and goes, but what I do wish for you is joy.  Deep, lasting, uncontainable joy.  The joy that comes in the midst of suffering.  The joy that has nothing to do with momentary laughing and happiness, but has everything to do with the strength of the Lord and knowing that He has you in His grasp and will never let you go.  The joy that sees that every good and perfect gift comes from Him and then flows right back to Him in overwhelming praise.  The joy that bubbles up in an uncontrollable way when you see that He is good and He is true and He will work out every detail of your life for His glory and your good.

I do not wish for you monetary wealth.  I will always pray for you to be taken care of, but I pray that your wealth is so much more than riches.  I pray that you have wealth of character, wealth of wisdom, and wealth of peace.  I pray that you always seek to give more than you get.  I pray that you will treasure wisdom and grace above money and cars.  Although your Dad would be happy if you had a nice truck!  I pray that your wealth will be found in Heaven in the many treasures you have stored up above by honouring your God here on earth. 

I do not wish for you romantic love.  Oh, I do wish that you would find someone who would love and care for you and be a partner in your life and your faith.  But more than that, I wish that you would know the One that satisfies all desires and who will never let you down.  Even your romantic partner will fail you time and time again, but I want you to know the One who will never let you down.  The one who will never sin against you or leave you.  The one who sustains your every breath and knows your every thought.  I pray you know Him and love Him more than any other.

I do not wish for you success.  Of course I hope that everything you do, you do to the best of your ability.  That you put your heart into all you do and that you are not lazy.  I pray you work hard and pursue your passions and gifts.  But more than all that, I want you to be loving.  I want you to be successful in relationships.  To love those that hurt you, to forgive often and to share the hope that you have with those you meet.  I pray that all those who know you will know your strength and see your love.  I pray that you are honest and true.  That people will know that your word stands and that you say what you mean.  I pray that your character is what draws people to you and that your success in life is the lives you touch and not the things you accomplish.  

I do not wish for you health.  It will break my heart to see you sick or hurting.  I pray you do not have to suffer much physically.  However, I pray that more than having a healthy body, you have a healthy soul.  I pray that if you are sick, you turn to the One who can heal and you pray for that healing.  And I pray that if He chooses not to heal you in this life that you praise Him anyway.  I pray you embrace your suffering and you suffer well.   I pray that you look to the One who made you and realize that you can be whole even without a healed body.  I pray that in the physical trials that you experience, you draw closer to the One who will be shaping your soul and character through that illness.  Because while when physical health is terrible, it is one’s soul that can thrive and be healthier than anything you can imagine.  It is often in suffering and pain that we experience the most growth and it truly makes us more beautiful.  

I do not wish for you physical beauty.  Although I really think you will be quite the cutie!  It is so much more important what is on the inside than what is on the outside.  I pray you are kind and thoughtful and caring.  I pray your soul is what is beautiful, not your face.  Outward beauty is fading but inward lasts forever.  

I could go on and on, but these are what I am writing about today.  Above all else, I wish for you to know Jesus as your Lord and Saviour.  To love Him more than anything else.  To give your life in reckless abandon to Him and to be completely sold out to Him.  If this is who you are and this is your passion in life, it is all I could ever hope and dream for.  I love you so much now and I don’t even know you yet.  This is my prayer for you since before you were born.  This is my letter to you and my wishes for your life.  

Love you so much already,

Your Mom (so crazy I'm a mom!)