I wanted to write a post about my mental health post-birth and as I thought about what to write, I thought it would be good to write about transitions and the fear of change whether that change is good or bad. I wrote in a previous post about how fearful I was of how I would feel after I gave birth and how the hormones and the change and lack of sleep would affect my mental health.
I’ve struggled with anxiety for so long and battled with bouts of depression so I was fearful of what this new stage would bring. So far, I have been so thankful because my mental health has been great. I have not struggled with anxiety at all bringing a new baby home and with all that this entails. This surprises me because in much less stressful and life-changing situations, I have been consumed with anxiety and it has often lead to depression.
I do not know why I am feeling so well right now, but I am thankful. This is not to say it has all been easy. I have still struggled with the transition of life with a newborn and how this has changed my life. Sometimes I wonder what I have done! But I am thankful for this little life that God has entrusted Matt and I with.
I have moments of being overwhelmed and fearful. I often cry, but I know that it is normal in this time. I am still fearful of the future and as good as I feel, it kind of scares me, because I wonder if it is just a temporary high that I will crash from soon. I wonder how I will cope with being depressed and anxious and still having to care for a little life.
Change is scary and it is something we can always worry about. However, worrying about it does nothing for us. That is something I have learned throughout this pregnancy and now taking care of my little boy. I worried a lot about my mental health after. I worried about the birth experience. I worried about how my life would change forever once I had a baby. So many people told me their scary birth stories, their easy birth stories, etc., and yet everyone’s journey is different and just because something happened to someone else, does not mean it will happen to me or you. We can always be fearful of the future, but it doesn’t accomplish anything except rob us of our joy and peace in the present.
I have clung to the fact that no matter what I face in any transition or stage of life that God is present and He will give me the grace and strength to face whatever comes my way. Whether that be an easy birth or a difficult one. Whether that be an easy recovery or a difficult one. Whether my mental health is wonderful or whether it is not doing well.
I think my point of this post is just to encourage you not to worry about transition and change. It is normal to be fearful of it, but know that God is present no matter what you are going through. I will never be alone in whatever I face. There is always joy and peace and comfort waiting for me in Him whether I can see it at the time or not. Worry will just ruin my present and not accomplish anything for my future. This is what I am clinging to in this present stage. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know that God has been gracious to me so far and I know He will continue to be. He wants what is best for me in every situation.
The other day I was praying and was asking God for an easy night…that the baby would sleep and that I could get some rest. However, I was convicted in that moment to not ask for what would be easy, but to pray that God would give me the strength to handle whatever would come that night. Whether my night be easy or hard, I prayed that God would give me the grace, strength, and patience to face it, and that in His strength, I could make it through that night whatever it might bring. I don’t think it was wrong to ask for sleep, but I would rather God grow my character and help me rise to the challenges of what comes my way whatever that may be, instead of asking for life to be easy. In His strength, I can accomplish whatever He has set before me. I do not need to be afraid. I do not need to worry about the future. He’s got this and therefore, so do I. This is also my prayer for you. Have courage friend, you can face the transitions and unknowns of life and do not have to be consumed by fear. You never know how it will turn out!
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
-Matthew 6:25-34
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