It feels strange writing about this topic when the last post I wrote was about thriving. I guess that can be the way mental illness goes. One day you feel really great and you feel like all is going well and then the next day, it can completely switch and you feel like you’re drowning, desperately trying to keep your head above the water, just trying to make it through each day. When I feel like this, I often get discouraged and wonder why my life has to be this way. So up and down, not steady. Whether you have mental illness or not, life is full of ups and downs. So how do we cope? For me, having the hope that I am not alone is so comforting. I belong to a God who cares about each up and down and who will never leave me. I also have family and friends who consistently lift me up in prayer and support me with words and acts of love.
I think for me remembering that this will not last forever is comforting. This too shall pass. I may feel down and anxious and sad, but this feeling does ebb and flow. Often with anxiety and depression, your mood goes up and down, but you do have good days along with the bad. I cling to those good days and try to remember them when I am in the haze of a dark day.
I think I wrote about it in an earlier post, but I also try to remember that just because I may not feel happy today doesn’t mean that I don’t have deep, lasting joy. Joy is different, because it is not a feeling. It doesn’t come and go. The joy of the Lord is my strength and that will never change no matter what I am going through. I think sometimes it can seem like we are faking it if we focus on the positive and we are trying to rejoice in all circumstances. I read this verse this week and it brought me to tears because as hard as it is, it is so true. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” This is a command and is often not easy to do, especially when your life may be falling apart around you. However, I have found that when I cultivate an attitude of gratitude and focus on what I have to be thankful for and bring all my struggles and concerns to God, He meets me where I am at. He truly does care that I am not doing well. He really does care that my heart is broken, but He lifts my head and helps me see all that He has done for me and all that He is doing through this broken situation even right here and now. There is a purpose for this pain. There is a reason. He knows and He is working. I can rejoice in all circumstances. Not on my own, but by continually coming to Him in prayer and asking Him to help me see it the way He sees it. There will be an end to this pain. Hopefully here on earth as it comes and goes, but ultimately in the future when I am with Him for eternity. I must keep my eyes focused on that. This is truth that keeps me going. This is truth that gives me joy even when I am not happy. This gives me hope when I am fighting each day just to survive. And I hope that I will thrive again, but when I am just surviving, it also keeps me clinging to the One who gets me through each day. I can never do this on my own strength, but through the One who made me and gives me breath each day. So each day, I’ll get up and be thankful for another day, as dark as it is. And on these days, I will hope that maybe tomorrow will be brighter. And I’ll cling to the hope that one day there will be no more tears or suffering for me. This is what gets me through when the darkness won’t lift.
This is a song I have been listening to often lately.
