As I find myself less than two weeks away from bringing home a new baby, I'm finding the days passing fast yet slow. I keep wishing the days away, hoping that soon the day to bring home our baby girl is here. However, I'm also trying to be patient since I'm realizing I only have a few weeks left with just Colt and Matt before the crazy newborn stage begins again. There are things I love about having a newborn, but I'm so not looking forward to the sleepless nights and how to balance being a mom of a newborn and a toddler as well as healing from major surgery.
I find myself dealing with some anxiety that I don't even realize I'm feeling but that seems to settle in at night when it is quiet and I don't have much else to occupy my mind. I haven't had an easy pregnancy and I've often wished the days away just telling myself that this is a season that will soon be over. But I'm realizing that even in the midst of the hardest and worst seasons, there is still so much to learn and I don't want to wish even the hard days away.
I want to be content in each season, even these years of having littles when I feel sick and tired most days. There is still so much joy to be found in this mundane and I know that years from now I'll look back on these days and I'll miss them. I doubt I'll remember how tired and sick I felt, but I'll remember my sweet little babes and all the snuggles and giggles and seeing the world through their ever-discovering eyes.
I do find that telling myself that this is just a season does help me to make it through the hard days. I hear often that the days are long but the years are short, and it definitely seems to be so true. It feels like we just brought Colt home from the hospital and he's almost two! I've loved these last two years with him and they have taught me so much and changed me in so many ways. As hard as this season has been, it's also been one of the best seasons of my life.
I guess my point in writing this is just to acknowledge the tired, sick, all-sacrificing thing that is motherhood, being pregnant and having little ones. And some days, I do just count down the hours until bedtime! But overall, this season is amazing and as I somewhat impatiently wait to do this all over again, I want to look forward expectantly, but also be content in the present and know that this time will never come again. Soon I will be splitting my time between two little ones and while that will be amazing once we figure it out, I will miss my time with my first little babe.
Seasons come and go, some good, some harder, but I do believe they are all meant to grow us and change us. Sometimes it is just about enduring the hard seasons, but I think even in enduring those hard seasons, we can find joy and peace and contentment right where we are. I think this may be my last post for awhile unless I'm feeling really ambitious, so thanks for reading and please pray for us as we enter into this new adventure! <3
