I was hesitant to write about this because I wasn’t sure if it related to many people who read this blog, but it was a topic that kept coming to my mind these last seven months as I’ve been pregnant and how this change has affected my mental and physical health. How my mental health would be when I was pregnant was always something that I worried about. I had heard that often people who struggle with mental illness feel great during pregnancy because of all those lovely hormones! I wasn’t too worried about how I would feel pregnant, but I was worried about the medication I was taking and if it would harm my baby. This was something I struggled with and researched and asked for medical advice about. I was encouraged to stay on my medication because it has a low risk for my baby and because if I was not doing well mentally and emotionally during pregnancy because I had gone off my meds, then my baby would be affected more. I still worry a bit about this and hope I am not harming my baby, but I have to trust that I have done my best and listened to wise counsel and I pray my baby will not have any negative side effects once born.
That being said, I have honestly felt so much better emotionally and mentally while pregnant. My anxiety has diminished so much and I have even been able to do things that I was not able to do for years because they made me so anxious. This has been wonderful, but it also scares me for after the baby is born. I worry about whether I will crash once the hormones disappear from my body and if my anxiety and depression will come back worse than before. I try not to dwell on this too much but it is something that crosses my mind. I know there is nothing I can do to prevent this other than being aware and making sure that I take care of myself and also leaning on those around me for support. I do feel that I am somewhat prepared for potential postpartum mental issues, because unlike some women who have never struggled with depression that end up with postpartum depression, I know what it is like to feel down and depressed and anxious and I know how to care for myself in that state. I know that usually the feeling of depression will lift eventually and I just need to push through that time and do my best to care for myself and confide in those around me. I believe God is in control and I know He will be with me during this time no matter what I face. I may also continue to feel great for some time and I would be so thankful for that too, especially with the lack of sleep that I will most likely be experiencing!
While the emotional and mental aspect has been great while I’ve been pregnant, the physical has not been fun! I have been learning a lot through that and it has taught me to have more sympathy for those who deal with things like insomnia, nausea, aches and pains and chronic physical illness. While I think I sympathized somewhat before because of my chronic mental illness, I have so much more respect and compassion now for the people who are suffering daily with physical illness. For those people to continually get up and face each day knowing they have to experience that pain and suffering is overwhelming to me. At least I know my physical suffering has an end and a wonderful outcome. Many people suffer physically with no apparent cause or end in sight. If that is you, I commend you and feel for you greatly. You are so strong and resilient to keep getting up each and every day and doing what you inevitably have to do each day. And to mothers who are pregnant and caring for other young children, I don’t know how you do it! I can’t imagine caring for myself and little ones with the way I have been feeling.
Anyway I just wanted to share a bit of what I have been feeling and learning through pregnancy over the past few months and how it has affected my mental and physical health. I am so grateful for this experience even though it is hard and I am thankful it has allowed me to understand in a deeper way others’ struggles. No matter what stage of life we are in, we have the opportunity to be growing and learning more about ourself, God and others. I am thankful for this!
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."
