Today I cried.
It was a hard day and I wasn't feeling well. I woke up feeling down and one thing happened after another that felt like I was failing in so many ways.
I forgot to put my make-up on and didn't realize until I got to church and looked in the mirror. I know this sounds like a small thing, and I'm actually ok not wearing make-up but it felt like a another failure at the time.
I forgot Colt's water and snacks and was on my way to church before I realized that I didn't have anything for him to eat or drink. I felt like such a bad mom. Again, I know these are small little things and I know forgetting something doesn't make me a bad mom, but still I felt it.
We were rushed at church and I didn't really get to participate in much of it or hear anything. I kind of wondered what I was doing there. Maybe it would have been better if I had stayed home. At least then I could cry by myself in my bed.
As we left church, I realized I forgot the pumpkin loaf I had made for church that didn't get eaten and that it was just going to sit at church and go bad. I made that yesterday and felt exhausted after...what was the point if I was going to forget about it, it wouldn't get eaten, and it would go bad?
I know these are all small, insignificant details about my day and things could have been so much worse, but I just wanted to crawl into bed and cry. Sometimes being a mom is hard, sometimes having anxiety and mood disorders is hard, sometimes life in all it's joy and beauty and mundane and every day struggles is hard.
And so I just wanted to share and say that now, three days later writing this, I feel better. Life isn't perfect, even if it looks like it is from the outside, and we all have our down days where we feel like everything is going wrong and all we want to do is cry. And that's ok. Because maybe three days later, you will feel a little bit better. I remembered to put on my make-up today, and so far this morning, I have remembered to feed my child. Today is a win. But it's only 9:30AM so we will see. Maybe I'll be crying again later today:)
If today is a hard day for you, I'm sending my love <3 because I've been there and I will be again. You got this!
