I've been thinking a lot about courage lately and facing my fears. I have something coming up in my life that I have been fearing for a long time and it is finally approaching. Daily, I teeter between being absolutely terrified and wanting to run away, and then finding my resolve and feeling confident that I can do this. It doesn't really matter what my fear is. We all have fears and some fears may not be understood by others, but if it is something that you fear, it is a real fear for you.
I guess I'm hoping that by writing this, I have something on the record that I can look back on when this is all over and remember how I was feeling. I want to remember how scared I am and what it feels like to have this fear looming over me. I want to look back and hopefully be proud of myself for what I have accomplished. I pray that my situation turns out well, but even if it doesn't, I know that I did the right thing by showing up and doing what I said I would do even when I was scared out of my mind.
I believe I am meant to do what I am scared of. That I have been called and equipped for this purpose in this current place and time. I believe that all of my past experiences and past situations where I have faced my fears will help me accomplish what I have to do.
I know that God will give me the strength I need to do this big, scary thing. I've been really trying to focus on God and how big He is. I've been trying to turn my eyes from this big, scary thing looming in front of me to God, and when I have my eyes on Him everything else shrinks out of sight. Sometimes this calms the panic inside of me and other times, it's still there.
I feel as though my thoughts are a bit jumbled today and I'm not sure where I want to go from here. I guess I just want to encourage anyone who's reading this that if there is some big, scary thing looming in front of you to turn your eyes to the One who is greater than you, because when you're not focused on yourself, the fear becomes easier to manage. I want you to know that you can face your fears and that even if you fail, you didn't really fail, because you still did what scared you and that is victory in itself. You conquered that fear. You looked it in the face and kept going. It did not stop you.
I want you to know that if you struggle with anxiety and panic and fear over even the most insignificant things there can be victory over that. You can overcome it. Some days are harder than others, but keep going and keep pushing through that fear and one day, it may not be there anymore, but even if it is, keep showing up and pushing that fear back. You don't have to become boxed in by fear letting it steal your joy and letting it keep you down.
So I leave you with this quote by Nelson Mandela.
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
And this verse which has brought me comfort today.
Psalm 16
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
My body also will rest secure,
Because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
Nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
You make known to me the path of life;
You will fill me with joy in Your Presence,
With eternal pleasures at Your right hand.
