Ever since Colt was born, I've had a really hard time as night approaches. I don't know what exactly it is, but something about the darkness closing in on me really stirs up my anxiety and depression. I think it started when we were up all night with Colt and I just dreaded the long night knowing that I wouldn't get sleep. However, now Colt sleeps through the night and I'm sleeping pretty well, and yet I still really struggle as night approaches. It's like all my worst fears start playing in my head and everything looks so much scarier and hopeless.
I don't know why this happens and I don't know how long it will last, but something that I have found really helpful is just knowing that when the morning comes, my fears and worries will seem less scary. With the morning light, the big, looming things in my life that seemed so hopeless seem to fade away or at least fade in their significance. I am thankful that I don't feel this fear and anxiety all day, and that there is hope and relief from the anxiety and fear that grip me at night.
It helps me to know that joy and hope come in the morning, and so I cling to that each night if I am lying awake feeling hopeless and scared. I know I am not alone in those moments and I cling to God and the promise that He is there and He knows my fears. He will not let me face them alone and when the morning light comes, they often fade away and I have the strength to face the day. Often, the big, scary things that seem so hopeless at night are things that never come to pass, or are things that I had worked up in my head that end up being fine when they actually do occur.
I don't really know why I'm writing about this honestly. I'm not sure if other people have this same struggle and fear the night, but if you do, I hope you can see the light in the morning. I hope that your fears and your anxieties lessen with the day and that the fear of the night doesn't hold you in its grip. If you do have this same struggle, you're not alone and I know how you feel! I look forward to the day when there is no more night or at least no more darkness to fear <3
"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light. I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." -Sarah Williams
