Why Saying "No" and Practicing Self-Care Has Improved my Mental Health

This is a topic that I am continually learning about and growing in.  I can’t say that I have arrived at the place where I take perfect care of myself and I am doing great.  However, I can say that as the years have been passing, I think I am getting better at this balancing act.  I am a doer and I like to have lists and be organized.  I like to help people and I hate to let people down.  I experience a lot of guilt for so many reasons and I know that this is common for people who struggle with mental health as well as for many others who do not.  I’ve really been trying to slow down lately.  This is hard for me because I always have a list in my head and I can tend to get anxious when it isn’t done.  I can also have OCD tendencies when replaying over and over what I have to do and what I have not done.  I spoke a little bit about this in a past blog post, but I really have been trying to not let my lists control me and try to do what I can in a day and then leave the rest for another day.  The world will not fall apart if I do not clean my house or attend an event that I have no energy for that day.  I am trying to relax and spend time resting.  Sometimes it helps me to ignore a nonessential task that I have set for the day when I am feeling exhausted and just go to bed, or read a book, or watch a show on Netflix.  I’ve realized that that task can be done another day and the world will not end if I do not accomplish it that day.  This is hard on my brain though because I feel guilty not doing it.  I feel lazy or like I have failed in some way.  This is my faulty thinking and sometimes if I feel that, I purposely put off the task for another day just to help myself learn that it is ok to rest and that the guilt or failure that I feel is not justified.  

Another thing that I have been learning is that it is ok to say no to some things.  Just because something is a good thing does not mean that it is the right thing for me to do at this particular time.  I think often we feel that if we are asked to do something or serve in some way that we have to say yes.  That is what being a good person, good Christian, good friend, good wife, etc. is.  I disagree.  I think when these opportunities come up, we really have to analyze whether they are the right thing for us and if this is the right time.  Sometimes it might be a great thing for us to do but it is the wrong time based on our responsibilities and what is going on in our lives at the moment.  Sometimes it is a wonderful opportunity or something that really needs to be done, but we aren’t the right people to do it.  I think we often feel like if there is a need, we must step up and fill that need right away.  Sometimes this may be true, but other times, we may be saying yes to something that isn’t right for us, something that will just drain us and deplete us.  Also, when we take on something that isn’t right for us, we aren’t allowing the right person for the job to step up, or we are filling our lives with something else so that we are not able to say yes to the next thing that we are actually supposed to be doing.  This is why I have realized that sometimes saying “No” to something is actually the healthiest thing for me.  

Life is full of choices, of saying yes and no to things.  Sometimes it is really hard to know what we are supposed to say yes or no to.  For me, I take some time to pray about these decisions and wait for God to guide me in one way or another.  I also ask wise people who I trust around me to help me make these decisions.  I have been seeing lately how helpful it is when I take time to slow down and rest, to leave my to do list undone, and to say no to certain things that aren’t right for me at this time.  

Self care is so important and I know that as much as I love to work and be with people and accomplish things on my to do list, I know that I also need to rest and relax and do things that fill me up.  I must be filled up before I can pour out.  If I am empty, I am no good to anyone and my mental, physical and spiritual health suffers.  

Everyone needs to practice self-care but especially those of us who struggle with mental health.  We are often more fragile emotionally and can’t always handle what people who do not struggle with mental health can handle.  My encouragement to you today is this…please take the time to stop what you are doing and rest.  Say no to something that you don’t think is the right fit for you at this time.  This can even mean not going to a social event or hanging out with a friend on a particular day.  I can’t tell you how many times I or a friend of mine has cancelled hanging out because they need to rest or they aren’t feeling well.  It’s ok to take that time for yourself and to care for yourself.  The people who really love you and really know you will understand.  

Do something that fills you up!  We all need that and if you don’t take the time, you will end up paying for it.  Take it from someone who is still learning but who is seeing the benefits of this.  You won’t regret it!  It can be hard at first, but like any skill, it is learned and you will get better at it.  Keep at it!  

"Be still, and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10

It's Ok...

I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic lately.  So often in life we compare ourselves to others.  We compare ourselves in every way…material possessions, beauty, intelligence, physical fitness, Godliness, etc.  I think when you are someone who struggles with mental illness, you often wonder why you have to be the way you are.  If only you were physically healthier..if only you were able to cope with what it seems like everyone else can cope with…if only you didn’t have to deal with the things you are dealing with…life would be so much better.  I just want to say…it’s ok to be you.  

Yes, living with depression, anxiety, OCD, any number of mental health struggles are definitely a challenge and yes, it would be so much easier to live life without them.  However, you were made the way you were for a reason.  We all have struggles in our lives, no one is excluded from that.  There is pain and suffering here on earth and I so long for the day when that is no more.  But today…we are here…I am here.  And I am me..and that is ok.  

No, I’m not like everyone else.  I work part-time because I need the time off to recover from the time I spent working.  Not everyone understands this and I deal with other people’s confusion over that alot.  I get stress headaches sometimes after being out with people all day.  When I have a busy day, I need time at home by myself to recover.  I can’t always do everything I set out to do in a day because my body or my mind won’t let me.  I can’t tell you how often I am extremely frustrated by this.  But you know what, I think this lifelong struggle is good for me.  It teaches me to rest when I need it.  It teaches me self-care and the importance of saying, “No” to people when I need to.  But most of all, it teaches me to rely on God because I know that it is DAILY His strength that gets me through.  

On those days when I wake up and I already feel exhausted and my day just seems like it is looming ahead of me, I know that God will give me the strength, health and ability to accomplish what He has for me to do that day.  That does not mean that MY to do list always gets done.  Often what I had planned for the day does not work out.  I plan my steps but the Lord directs my path and for that I am so thankful.  He knows if I need to rest during the day.  He knows if I need to spend time with a certain person that day.  He knows all and I don’t.  He loves me and He loves me just the way I am.  If I compare to this person or that person, I will never measure up in every way.  That is a sure way to be discouraged and hopeless every day.  I am me with every flaw and every beauty and I can’t be anyone else.  

Lately, I have really been praying that each day I accomplish what God has set out for me that day.  I pray that what needs to be done will get done, and that I will have the energy and strength to do that.  I also pray that even though I have many goals and plans for the day that His ways are better and that every absolute MUST will be accomplished.  And if it isn’t accomplished then I guess it wasn’t meant for today.  And that’s ok!  God has really been showing me lately that usually everything that needs to be done gets done, it’s just not always in my timing.  Ahh the humility that brings.  

So my encouragement to you is this….BE YOU!  That is the best person you can be.  Don’t compare yourself to others.  Mental illness really isn’t fun, but everyone is struggling with something and be thankful that your struggle can cause you to rely more on the One who is in control, because even when you think you are in control, that is not the case, my friend.  Be kind to yourself.  Slow down.  Take a nap if you need to.  Recharge and make sure that you are able to do the really important things that God has planned for you to do that day.  He will give you the strength and energy to do what you need to.  He always has for me.  So remember whatever you feel like you are failing at today, be thankful you are you and know that it is all ok.  Being you is ok.  Actually even better than ok, you are the best thing you can be!  

Much love from someone who is constantly being reminded of this very same truth.