This is a topic that I am continually learning about and growing in. I can’t say that I have arrived at the place where I take perfect care of myself and I am doing great. However, I can say that as the years have been passing, I think I am getting better at this balancing act. I am a doer and I like to have lists and be organized. I like to help people and I hate to let people down. I experience a lot of guilt for so many reasons and I know that this is common for people who struggle with mental health as well as for many others who do not. I’ve really been trying to slow down lately. This is hard for me because I always have a list in my head and I can tend to get anxious when it isn’t done. I can also have OCD tendencies when replaying over and over what I have to do and what I have not done. I spoke a little bit about this in a past blog post, but I really have been trying to not let my lists control me and try to do what I can in a day and then leave the rest for another day. The world will not fall apart if I do not clean my house or attend an event that I have no energy for that day. I am trying to relax and spend time resting. Sometimes it helps me to ignore a nonessential task that I have set for the day when I am feeling exhausted and just go to bed, or read a book, or watch a show on Netflix. I’ve realized that that task can be done another day and the world will not end if I do not accomplish it that day. This is hard on my brain though because I feel guilty not doing it. I feel lazy or like I have failed in some way. This is my faulty thinking and sometimes if I feel that, I purposely put off the task for another day just to help myself learn that it is ok to rest and that the guilt or failure that I feel is not justified.
Another thing that I have been learning is that it is ok to say no to some things. Just because something is a good thing does not mean that it is the right thing for me to do at this particular time. I think often we feel that if we are asked to do something or serve in some way that we have to say yes. That is what being a good person, good Christian, good friend, good wife, etc. is. I disagree. I think when these opportunities come up, we really have to analyze whether they are the right thing for us and if this is the right time. Sometimes it might be a great thing for us to do but it is the wrong time based on our responsibilities and what is going on in our lives at the moment. Sometimes it is a wonderful opportunity or something that really needs to be done, but we aren’t the right people to do it. I think we often feel like if there is a need, we must step up and fill that need right away. Sometimes this may be true, but other times, we may be saying yes to something that isn’t right for us, something that will just drain us and deplete us. Also, when we take on something that isn’t right for us, we aren’t allowing the right person for the job to step up, or we are filling our lives with something else so that we are not able to say yes to the next thing that we are actually supposed to be doing. This is why I have realized that sometimes saying “No” to something is actually the healthiest thing for me.
Life is full of choices, of saying yes and no to things. Sometimes it is really hard to know what we are supposed to say yes or no to. For me, I take some time to pray about these decisions and wait for God to guide me in one way or another. I also ask wise people who I trust around me to help me make these decisions. I have been seeing lately how helpful it is when I take time to slow down and rest, to leave my to do list undone, and to say no to certain things that aren’t right for me at this time.
Self care is so important and I know that as much as I love to work and be with people and accomplish things on my to do list, I know that I also need to rest and relax and do things that fill me up. I must be filled up before I can pour out. If I am empty, I am no good to anyone and my mental, physical and spiritual health suffers.
Everyone needs to practice self-care but especially those of us who struggle with mental health. We are often more fragile emotionally and can’t always handle what people who do not struggle with mental health can handle. My encouragement to you today is this…please take the time to stop what you are doing and rest. Say no to something that you don’t think is the right fit for you at this time. This can even mean not going to a social event or hanging out with a friend on a particular day. I can’t tell you how many times I or a friend of mine has cancelled hanging out because they need to rest or they aren’t feeling well. It’s ok to take that time for yourself and to care for yourself. The people who really love you and really know you will understand.
Do something that fills you up! We all need that and if you don’t take the time, you will end up paying for it. Take it from someone who is still learning but who is seeing the benefits of this. You won’t regret it! It can be hard at first, but like any skill, it is learned and you will get better at it. Keep at it!
"Be still, and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10
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