Lately there has been a song playing on the radio by the X Ambassadors called “Unsteady”. A couple of verses from the song really resonated with me as I thought about mental illness. The chorus says, “Hold on to me, cause I’m a little unsteady…if you love me, don’t let go.” I love this because I think often those who struggle with anxiety and depression long for this. We are drowning in our heads and desperately want someone to hold us above the water. We need others to understand. We need to somehow not feel so alone, to escape our thoughts when we feel trapped inside our heads. I believe we need to run to God during these times, and I believe He is the one who will always hold onto us. But I also think we need people to come alongside us during this time and hold us up when we can’t do it on our own anymore.
You may be saying, I don’t struggle with mental health issues. How do I support someone who does? This is a tough question. It is so hard for people who do not struggle with mental health to be supportive of people who do when they do not understand it. I completely understand this. It is only normal, we cannot fully understand what someone else is going through until we have been there ourselves. However, you can be supportive of someone even though you have not been through the same situation. I think the most important thing for Christians is to be in prayer for someone struggling. Make sure that you are pouring your heart out before God in intercession for this person. People struggling are often at the point where they can’t pray for themselves. They have no words and they need someone to cry out to God for them. Prayer is the most loving and wonderful thing we can do for people and something we can do anytime, anywhere. The person does not even have to know you are praying for them, although it is a huge encouragement to me when I know people are praying for me.
The next important thing to do is to listen. Read it again...listen! You do not need to know the perfect thing to say, the Christian thing to say, the right thing to say. You simply need to listen and empathize. Ask the person to describe how they are thinking so you can understand a little bit more. I know I always struggle with jumping ahead in my mind as someone is talking, so that I can say the right thing. I am not really listening to them, I am thinking of what I am going to say next. Do not do this! Just relax and listen. I often do not want someone to give me advice or an answer when I am struggling with something. I want a listening, empathetic ear. If I want advice, I ask. If they do ask, you can do your best to give your thoughts but just be careful what you say. Remember you have not been through this before so just be gentle and cautious. Never underestimate the power of just being with someone and saying nothing. When I’m feeling anxious or depressed sometimes I just want someone to be with me to distract me. Hanging out with a good friend can help me get out of my head when I’m going crazy with my thoughts.
Another really helpful thing to do is to pray with them, if they are a Christian or even if they are not. You can always ask them if they would like prayer. Alot of people do, even if they are not professing Christians. They want anything that might help! This is such a cool opportunity so make the most of it. It is such a privilege to pray with other believers and people who are searching for help.
This next part is so important! Please never give up on friends who are struggling with depression and anxiety. I realize it may not be fun to hang out with them or to listen to their struggles. It can even be painful at times, and there is a time when you may need to encourage them to focus on something else or to challenge them on an attitude. But it is imperative that they still feel loved and accepted by you even though they may not be the most exciting company. I know when I feel depressed or anxious, I often need a friend to be with me and encourage me and then I might even come out of my sad mood or my anxious thoughts. Remember to mourn with those who mourn. This friendship may not be benefiting you at this time, but there are cycles in friendships and maybe one day you will need that same acceptance and love. Or you may never receive what you need from this friendship, but you may gain it from another. Remember God gives us what we need, and you may be what your friend needs at this time.
For those of you who are struggling with mental illness, one thing that has been really healing for me has been talking about my struggles. I was surprised with how many people I have been honest with and who I shared what was really going on in my life and my soul. It really was healing for me. I encourage you to do this even if you are someone who keeps things to themselves. It has been so encouraging to me to know that people are praying for me and that these people who call themselves my friends truly want to know what is going on with me. They want to give me hugs and know my heart. They want to pray for me. I was surprised I did not meet with any judgment or misunderstanding. That is not always the case but I think it has been God’s gift to me. Do be wise with who you open up to. Make sure the people are trustworthy, but I encourage you, please reach out and be honest. People may surprise you. And if you are like me and you like to talk, it can be really healing to express yourself. A counsellor can also be helpful in this regard. They are trained professionals who can really help you get out of your head and process your thoughts in a healthy way.
As I write, I hope God grants me the wisdom to write what He has put on my heart. That He would give me the words to say and that these words would breathe life into someone’s soul. My whole purpose and passion in life is Christ. In what He has done for me and who He has made me. My whole life revolves around Him and I can never repay Him for what He has done for me. I am so thankful that He turns what is meant for evil into good. My illness has so affected me and it could have destroyed me. It could have even killed me. However, God has taken it and used it to transform my life and make me more like Him. He has refined me like gold. I am not perfect and this side of Heaven, I will never be. But I hope He brings me close throughout this life journey. The closer I walk with Him, the more He will transform me into His likeness and I love that about life. He will never leave me and never give up on me. He will continue to convict me when needed and shape me into someone more like Christ. This process is often hard but I would not change it for anything. I believe He can do the same for you. Keep seeking Him and crying out to Him. I promise you, He hears you and is there even when you don’t feel Him. Keep your head above water, and I pray that He will bring people alongside you to hold you up when you feel unsteady. And I pray for those who are trying to support loved ones with mental illness and don’t understand fully, that you will be a support to listen and pray with your loved ones and to speak truth to them when they can’t speak it to themselves.
Isaiah 40: 27-31 (emphasis mine)
“Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.”
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