This week has been hard. There is so much pain and suffering and injustice in our world and hearing about it is important, but it's also troubling and it really affects me emotionally. We are also still in the midst of this pandemic and life is slowly returning to normal but it's still so tinged with worry and fear. I've had to take a break from social media because it just has not been good for my mental health lately, and I find it consuming my thoughts and making me anxious.
Colt and I had a really rough day yesterday and my headspace was not good. I wanted to cry all day and several times wanted to lash out at him physically because of the way he was acting. I could not deal with life yesterday. I'm thankful for friends who I could share it with and who could encourage me and let me know that I'm not a bad mom for having those days. I'm also thankful for being able to leave Colt at my parents' house for a few hours so I could have some downtime and collect my thoughts.
All this to say, how do I maintain peace in the midst of all that is going on in our world? How do I care for myself and not allow my negative feelings to spiral down and plunge me into a space where I can't function well? My heart is heavy with so much, and I don't know how to release that weight.
As I am writing this, Psalm 61:1-3 came to mind, "Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy." I'm so thankful for this verse and the comfort it fills me with. I don't have the magical answer to rid myself of stress, anxiety, fear and pain, but I do know that God is my refuge and that He is sovereign and He will carry me and His people through. I don't know how to solve the world's problems, and I hate the death and fear and pain that surrounds me all of the time in this world. I think it's good to be affected by it, but I hate that there is so much hurt around us. Some days I just don't want to wake up and deal with it all.
However, God is faithful and He also sustains and I know that He can equip us to be able to survive those seemingly hopeless days, and also to be love and grace and hope to those around us. The only way to have peace within is through Him. I'm so thankful for that hope and promise, and it is what gets me through days like yesterday.
Some practical things that help me deal with my anxiety and heavy moods are consistently remaining thankful for things around me and speaking those things out loud. Throughout the day, I'm often listing things I am thankful for even when my day seems to be falling apart and my mood is bleak. Like I said, I took a break from scrolling through social media and posting this week and that has helped me too. It helps to have a break from screen time, and it helps me to focus on my family and friends and my life right in front of me. It's also important to know myself and know what I need and when I need it. I knew yesterday I could not cope with being alone, so I was thankful to have my mom's help. It's ok to ask for help from those around us who love us and so often want to help. I often feel guilty asking for someone to help watch Colt, but I knew yesterday I needed that and I knew my mom was willing to help. We also deny others the blessing of serving us when we don't allow them to help us. I love helping others out and I know if I was denied that, I would be missing out on so much joy.
Anyway thanks so much for reading and I hope that my struggles and vulnerability can bring encouragement and hope to someone else. There are practical things that we can do to help with attaining peace, but ultimately I believe that true and lasting peace is something that is given by God and unable to be completely understood. It can carry me through even the most difficult of circumstances and give me hope and joy when the world around me is crumbling. For that I am thankful. <3
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