I thought I would write a little bit about being pregnant in a pandemic as I have been and quite a few of my friends have been as well. This isn't something that I would have planned or wished for myself or others, but this is our reality and as I've thought about it, I'm not sure I would change it.
As someone who already struggles with anxiety, I would think that this pregnancy during a pandemic would be a lot more stressful for me, but thankfully I have been managing okay. I definitely have moments where I am worried and stressed about the future, but overall, my anxiety has been manageable. I also have much better mental health when I am pregnant which is humorous because physically, pregnancy is pretty rough for me. I'm thankful I have one of the two!
In some ways, I've found being pregnant during this pandemic to be a bit of a blessing because there isn't as much going on and it's easy to be at home when I really haven't felt well most of the time. There are fewer appointments and get togethers and I'm working from home, so it has been nice to have a lot off of my plate. Most of my appointments have been easier too. Everything is so much quicker and some appointments are even over the phone so it has been helpful for me to stay at home for many of them.
I believe God is in control of all that is going on and He knew when I would be pregnant. This little life inside of me was meant to come at this time, so I'm going to trust Him with the future. I don't know what my delivery will be like or the postpartum time after. I worry about being at home isolated with a newborn and a toddler and trying to heal from a c-section, and I wonder how I will get through all of that if we can't have people around.
I've had to go to the ER twice already in this pregnancy and because of COVID, I was alone and had to be by myself. The first time I went, I was pretty scared we were going to lose our baby and I had to go through that by myself. But I wasn't alone. I knew God was present and He sent me wonderful nurses and doctors who cared for me. He was kind and got me through that, but it certainly wasn't something I would wish on anyone or myself had I known about it beforehand. There were certainly lots of tears cried before and during.
I'm thankful I don't know the future and that God gives me the grace that I need for each day. So that is why I'm trying not to worry about the next month and a half and just trust that God has it figured out. He knows when and how Eva will arrive and who my doctors and nurses will be. I believe He will protect us and no matter what happens, it will be for our good and His glory.
This is my experience of being pregnant in a pandemic. It is not something I would have planned, but it has had its benefits as well. I'm learning that God's grace is sufficient for each day and that most of my life doesn't go as I planned. But I'm pretty confident that His way and timing is best, so I'm choosing to keep trusting that He's got all this figured out and will work it all out for good. And I am counting down each and every day until I'm not pregnant anymore!
Tuesday, 30 June 2020
Wednesday, 3 June 2020
Peace in A World of Pain
This week has been hard. There is so much pain and suffering and injustice in our world and hearing about it is important, but it's also troubling and it really affects me emotionally. We are also still in the midst of this pandemic and life is slowly returning to normal but it's still so tinged with worry and fear. I've had to take a break from social media because it just has not been good for my mental health lately, and I find it consuming my thoughts and making me anxious.
Colt and I had a really rough day yesterday and my headspace was not good. I wanted to cry all day and several times wanted to lash out at him physically because of the way he was acting. I could not deal with life yesterday. I'm thankful for friends who I could share it with and who could encourage me and let me know that I'm not a bad mom for having those days. I'm also thankful for being able to leave Colt at my parents' house for a few hours so I could have some downtime and collect my thoughts.
All this to say, how do I maintain peace in the midst of all that is going on in our world? How do I care for myself and not allow my negative feelings to spiral down and plunge me into a space where I can't function well? My heart is heavy with so much, and I don't know how to release that weight.
As I am writing this, Psalm 61:1-3 came to mind, "Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy." I'm so thankful for this verse and the comfort it fills me with. I don't have the magical answer to rid myself of stress, anxiety, fear and pain, but I do know that God is my refuge and that He is sovereign and He will carry me and His people through. I don't know how to solve the world's problems, and I hate the death and fear and pain that surrounds me all of the time in this world. I think it's good to be affected by it, but I hate that there is so much hurt around us. Some days I just don't want to wake up and deal with it all.
However, God is faithful and He also sustains and I know that He can equip us to be able to survive those seemingly hopeless days, and also to be love and grace and hope to those around us. The only way to have peace within is through Him. I'm so thankful for that hope and promise, and it is what gets me through days like yesterday.
Some practical things that help me deal with my anxiety and heavy moods are consistently remaining thankful for things around me and speaking those things out loud. Throughout the day, I'm often listing things I am thankful for even when my day seems to be falling apart and my mood is bleak. Like I said, I took a break from scrolling through social media and posting this week and that has helped me too. It helps to have a break from screen time, and it helps me to focus on my family and friends and my life right in front of me. It's also important to know myself and know what I need and when I need it. I knew yesterday I could not cope with being alone, so I was thankful to have my mom's help. It's ok to ask for help from those around us who love us and so often want to help. I often feel guilty asking for someone to help watch Colt, but I knew yesterday I needed that and I knew my mom was willing to help. We also deny others the blessing of serving us when we don't allow them to help us. I love helping others out and I know if I was denied that, I would be missing out on so much joy.
Anyway thanks so much for reading and I hope that my struggles and vulnerability can bring encouragement and hope to someone else. There are practical things that we can do to help with attaining peace, but ultimately I believe that true and lasting peace is something that is given by God and unable to be completely understood. It can carry me through even the most difficult of circumstances and give me hope and joy when the world around me is crumbling. For that I am thankful. <3
Colt and I had a really rough day yesterday and my headspace was not good. I wanted to cry all day and several times wanted to lash out at him physically because of the way he was acting. I could not deal with life yesterday. I'm thankful for friends who I could share it with and who could encourage me and let me know that I'm not a bad mom for having those days. I'm also thankful for being able to leave Colt at my parents' house for a few hours so I could have some downtime and collect my thoughts.
All this to say, how do I maintain peace in the midst of all that is going on in our world? How do I care for myself and not allow my negative feelings to spiral down and plunge me into a space where I can't function well? My heart is heavy with so much, and I don't know how to release that weight.
As I am writing this, Psalm 61:1-3 came to mind, "Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy." I'm so thankful for this verse and the comfort it fills me with. I don't have the magical answer to rid myself of stress, anxiety, fear and pain, but I do know that God is my refuge and that He is sovereign and He will carry me and His people through. I don't know how to solve the world's problems, and I hate the death and fear and pain that surrounds me all of the time in this world. I think it's good to be affected by it, but I hate that there is so much hurt around us. Some days I just don't want to wake up and deal with it all.
However, God is faithful and He also sustains and I know that He can equip us to be able to survive those seemingly hopeless days, and also to be love and grace and hope to those around us. The only way to have peace within is through Him. I'm so thankful for that hope and promise, and it is what gets me through days like yesterday.
Some practical things that help me deal with my anxiety and heavy moods are consistently remaining thankful for things around me and speaking those things out loud. Throughout the day, I'm often listing things I am thankful for even when my day seems to be falling apart and my mood is bleak. Like I said, I took a break from scrolling through social media and posting this week and that has helped me too. It helps to have a break from screen time, and it helps me to focus on my family and friends and my life right in front of me. It's also important to know myself and know what I need and when I need it. I knew yesterday I could not cope with being alone, so I was thankful to have my mom's help. It's ok to ask for help from those around us who love us and so often want to help. I often feel guilty asking for someone to help watch Colt, but I knew yesterday I needed that and I knew my mom was willing to help. We also deny others the blessing of serving us when we don't allow them to help us. I love helping others out and I know if I was denied that, I would be missing out on so much joy.
Anyway thanks so much for reading and I hope that my struggles and vulnerability can bring encouragement and hope to someone else. There are practical things that we can do to help with attaining peace, but ultimately I believe that true and lasting peace is something that is given by God and unable to be completely understood. It can carry me through even the most difficult of circumstances and give me hope and joy when the world around me is crumbling. For that I am thankful. <3
Thursday, 14 May 2020
Learning to Accept a New Normal and Being Anxious to go Back to Life as It Was
I was talking with a friend this week and it was interesting because we were saying how we both feel like we are adjusting to the way things are in this pandemic and the thought of things going back to how they were before brings us some anxiety.
I think for everyone this pandemic and isolation has been hard, definitely harder for some than others. There have been parts of it that have been extremely hard for me, but I can also see a lot of good in my life in terms of more family time for us and just realizing what is important. I'm kind of getting used to the way things are right now. Of course, I still want things to go back to normal and to be able to visit with people again and go to stores and not worry about this virus. But there are parts of me that find myself getting anxious about things going back to the way they were before. In a lot of ways, life has slowed down for me and there are a lot of extra things that just aren't happening anymore. Some of those I miss, but some of them have been healthy for me to let go.
I think with mental illness there is always this anxiety that comes and goes with each new normal and with each change in life. Even without mental illness, I think this anxiety can be there, but I know it can be heightened if you already struggle with anxiety/depression.
I find myself wondering about when things go back to a more normal life, will I miss some of the aspects of my life that I've had these past few months? My husband has been home and off work and that has been stressful financially, but we have loved the time together, and its been so nice for Colt to spend so much time with his Daddy at this young age. With Matt's job, he often worked long hours and we would only see him a bit in the morning and a bit in the evening, sometimes he was home after Colt was in bed. It's been so nice to have that time as a family and even with the added financial stress, God has provided over and above what we have needed. He is always using these situations to teach me that He's got me and I don't need to worry. If he can clothe the flowers and feed the birds, He can most certainly take care of me.
In some ways, I've found I've been able to connect with people more during this time. Making the effort to call people on FaceTime, to send cards to people for encouragement, to think of who could use a text or message each day. I definitely don't want to see this reaching out and caring for people stop in my life, and I want to continue to think of others even when life resumes as normal.
Anyway all this to say, I am looking forward to life resuming as normal, but I do have some apprehension about change and how things are going to look. I look forward to a world where we aren't focusing on COVID-19, but I think in many ways this time has been good for me to slow down and realize what is important. I hope when I go back to life as it was that I won't take so many little things in my life for granted, and I will realize what a blessing it is to be able to have my friends into my home and give them a hug! I can't wait to go back to church again and worship together in person as one body. But I will always remember this time and what it was to our family and I'm grateful for that.
If you are feeling anxious in this isolation time but also feeling anxious about going back, you are not alone and I know there are others who are right there with you! We will get through it and we will also adjust when life returns to a more normal pace. Keep checking in on those around you and hopefully we can all make this adjustment easier for one another <3
I think for everyone this pandemic and isolation has been hard, definitely harder for some than others. There have been parts of it that have been extremely hard for me, but I can also see a lot of good in my life in terms of more family time for us and just realizing what is important. I'm kind of getting used to the way things are right now. Of course, I still want things to go back to normal and to be able to visit with people again and go to stores and not worry about this virus. But there are parts of me that find myself getting anxious about things going back to the way they were before. In a lot of ways, life has slowed down for me and there are a lot of extra things that just aren't happening anymore. Some of those I miss, but some of them have been healthy for me to let go.
I think with mental illness there is always this anxiety that comes and goes with each new normal and with each change in life. Even without mental illness, I think this anxiety can be there, but I know it can be heightened if you already struggle with anxiety/depression.
I find myself wondering about when things go back to a more normal life, will I miss some of the aspects of my life that I've had these past few months? My husband has been home and off work and that has been stressful financially, but we have loved the time together, and its been so nice for Colt to spend so much time with his Daddy at this young age. With Matt's job, he often worked long hours and we would only see him a bit in the morning and a bit in the evening, sometimes he was home after Colt was in bed. It's been so nice to have that time as a family and even with the added financial stress, God has provided over and above what we have needed. He is always using these situations to teach me that He's got me and I don't need to worry. If he can clothe the flowers and feed the birds, He can most certainly take care of me.
In some ways, I've found I've been able to connect with people more during this time. Making the effort to call people on FaceTime, to send cards to people for encouragement, to think of who could use a text or message each day. I definitely don't want to see this reaching out and caring for people stop in my life, and I want to continue to think of others even when life resumes as normal.
Anyway all this to say, I am looking forward to life resuming as normal, but I do have some apprehension about change and how things are going to look. I look forward to a world where we aren't focusing on COVID-19, but I think in many ways this time has been good for me to slow down and realize what is important. I hope when I go back to life as it was that I won't take so many little things in my life for granted, and I will realize what a blessing it is to be able to have my friends into my home and give them a hug! I can't wait to go back to church again and worship together in person as one body. But I will always remember this time and what it was to our family and I'm grateful for that.
If you are feeling anxious in this isolation time but also feeling anxious about going back, you are not alone and I know there are others who are right there with you! We will get through it and we will also adjust when life returns to a more normal pace. Keep checking in on those around you and hopefully we can all make this adjustment easier for one another <3
Tuesday, 14 April 2020
Guilt in a Pandemic
When thinking about what I wanted to write about today, I thought I would share some of the struggles of already being an anxious or depressed person and then also experiencing a worldwide pandemic WHILE being pregnant!
Overall, I am actually doing okay and I'm so thankful for that. When I'm pregnant, I actually experience less anxiety which is a huge blessing. However being pregnant in a pandemic is pretty scary, wondering about all the what ifs and possible things that can happen/go wrong.
It's tough to be stuck at home with a toddler that desperately wants to go outside and be social and being cooped up as a family definitely tries all of our patience! However, I do know that we are so blessed to be safe in our home and able to stay at home in this time. I have friends who are nurses who desperately want to be home, but are out on the frontlines serving our communities and I'm so thankful for them.
I think the biggest thing that weighs on me right now is guilt. I feel judged a lot and I don't know if that is me putting that on myself, or if others are actually being judgy. I worry every time I leave my house if my neighbours are wondering where I'm going, and if I'm doing something "essential" and whether I will be reported. I worry about every post I post on Instagram in case someone can get me in trouble or judge me doing something they might think is unnessary. I 100% think we all need to be doing what we can to stay home and flatten the curve and not contribute to the spread of Covid. But I have also been reading a lot of posts about how judgmental people are being about what is essential and nonessential and making people feel terrible about what they are doing. No, you should not be going out and wandering around when you don't need to, or having parties and gatherings, but as a mom of a toddler, I go crazy if we are all home all day. If we need to go out for a drive or if I even need to meet up with a friend and sit in a parking lot in separate cars and have some physical social interaction WHILE BEING 2 METRES apart, who are you to judge that? I think mental health is just as important as physical health and if someone is doing something safe to stay sane and be able to cope, that is essential.
Again, I have friends who are nurses who are putting themselves on the line and risking their own health and family's health to serve us, so I'm not advocating being stupid and putting yourself or others at risk, but I do think everyone's needs are different, so please don't judge others when their situation may be different than yours. I've actually found the people that seem to be the loudest about staying home are the introverts and the people who have no young kids, because honestly, it's a lot easier to be home when you fit into those two categories!
So just a friendly reminder from someone who is struggling with mental health and guilt and trying to do her best to follow the rules...try not to be so judgy and put yourselves in others' shoes before you jump to conclusions. A lot of times, the people you are judging aren't doing anything wrong, but it just looks unnecessary to you. So be kind right now because we all need it and we certainly don't need more guilty and anxiety and stress in our lives!
Overall, I am actually doing okay and I'm so thankful for that. When I'm pregnant, I actually experience less anxiety which is a huge blessing. However being pregnant in a pandemic is pretty scary, wondering about all the what ifs and possible things that can happen/go wrong.
It's tough to be stuck at home with a toddler that desperately wants to go outside and be social and being cooped up as a family definitely tries all of our patience! However, I do know that we are so blessed to be safe in our home and able to stay at home in this time. I have friends who are nurses who desperately want to be home, but are out on the frontlines serving our communities and I'm so thankful for them.
I think the biggest thing that weighs on me right now is guilt. I feel judged a lot and I don't know if that is me putting that on myself, or if others are actually being judgy. I worry every time I leave my house if my neighbours are wondering where I'm going, and if I'm doing something "essential" and whether I will be reported. I worry about every post I post on Instagram in case someone can get me in trouble or judge me doing something they might think is unnessary. I 100% think we all need to be doing what we can to stay home and flatten the curve and not contribute to the spread of Covid. But I have also been reading a lot of posts about how judgmental people are being about what is essential and nonessential and making people feel terrible about what they are doing. No, you should not be going out and wandering around when you don't need to, or having parties and gatherings, but as a mom of a toddler, I go crazy if we are all home all day. If we need to go out for a drive or if I even need to meet up with a friend and sit in a parking lot in separate cars and have some physical social interaction WHILE BEING 2 METRES apart, who are you to judge that? I think mental health is just as important as physical health and if someone is doing something safe to stay sane and be able to cope, that is essential.
Again, I have friends who are nurses who are putting themselves on the line and risking their own health and family's health to serve us, so I'm not advocating being stupid and putting yourself or others at risk, but I do think everyone's needs are different, so please don't judge others when their situation may be different than yours. I've actually found the people that seem to be the loudest about staying home are the introverts and the people who have no young kids, because honestly, it's a lot easier to be home when you fit into those two categories!
So just a friendly reminder from someone who is struggling with mental health and guilt and trying to do her best to follow the rules...try not to be so judgy and put yourselves in others' shoes before you jump to conclusions. A lot of times, the people you are judging aren't doing anything wrong, but it just looks unnecessary to you. So be kind right now because we all need it and we certainly don't need more guilty and anxiety and stress in our lives!
Monday, 16 March 2020
Managing Anxiety and Covid-19
Everyone is talking about Covid-19 right now. Some people are panicking and making things worse, but the reality is that this is the topic of conversation and it is on everyone's minds right now. I thought I would write a post as someone who struggles with anxiety and how this is affecting me and some things I'm finding helpful right now.
First of all, I'm trying to stay calm and not worry. I know that God is in control and fear only robs me of my joy today. That being said there are real concerns and I'm also doing my best to be wise and make thoughtful decisions for myself and my family. I'm rarely on social media these days and I'm finding that to be really really helpful for myself. I think it's causing our focus to be on covid constantly and I know there is helpful and encouraging information out there, but I'd rather think less about all of it right now as it's on my mind enough as it is. I encourage you that if you notice being on social media is causing more anxiety and stress to get rid of it for a time.
I think the social isolation part of this whole thing is what stresses me out the most and I think it's so important to be in community as we go through this. I'm going to be setting up phone/Facetime dates with friends so that even if we can't see each other in person, we can be encouraging one another and spending time together in conversation.
I'm also trying to continue to have a positive and thankful attitude about what is going on. Thankful that I can spend more time with my family, thankful that I can have some time at home to get stuff done around the house, thankful that in this country I will most likely continue to have access to food and health care if I need it. I realize there are real concerns about finances, health, etc. Believe me, most of these affect and concern me too but I'm trying to focus on what I can be thankful about in this time instead of worrying and complaining about what I can't control.
I have moments of worry and panic and as someone who has a compromised immune system, I do worry about my health. I worry that the hospitals will become overcrowded and I may not get the help that I need if I need it. But I know that these are future worries and they only give me anxiety and fear today and do not add anything to my life. These may never be concerns for me and if they are, I once again know that God is in control and He will care for me as needed. He has always supplied for my needs and I know He will continue to do so.
I want to also be generous and caring to those who are worried and possibly in need during this time. I will not be hoarding things in my cupboard, but will be giving what I have to my friends and neighbours if they are in need. I do not need things to be sitting in my cupboard while others are in need. And if the time comes when I need those things again, I believe God will provide what I need. I encourage others to do the same. So please message me if you are in need of anything and maybe I can help!
I'm reading a book right now on healthy rhythms and how to better deal with anxiety by Rebekah Lyons. It's been really helpful and it's keeping my perspective on what is important and how to deal with my anxiety in a healthy way. It's been a great read so far and I highly recommend it. I also want to keep my focus on things that are giving me hope and joy and not filling me with fear and worry. I am thinking about listening to a sermon or a podcast each day to keep my thoughts away from covid-19.
I just wanted to share some of my coping strategies right now and I'm praying that anyone who reads this is given hope and encouragement. This time will pass and let's focus on how we can live fully even during this difficult time. Praying for you all and wishing you all good health <3
This quote popped up on my FB feed memories from 2011 yesterday and I thought it was quite fitting. "The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time." Let's all continue to live fully even in this scary time.
First of all, I'm trying to stay calm and not worry. I know that God is in control and fear only robs me of my joy today. That being said there are real concerns and I'm also doing my best to be wise and make thoughtful decisions for myself and my family. I'm rarely on social media these days and I'm finding that to be really really helpful for myself. I think it's causing our focus to be on covid constantly and I know there is helpful and encouraging information out there, but I'd rather think less about all of it right now as it's on my mind enough as it is. I encourage you that if you notice being on social media is causing more anxiety and stress to get rid of it for a time.
I think the social isolation part of this whole thing is what stresses me out the most and I think it's so important to be in community as we go through this. I'm going to be setting up phone/Facetime dates with friends so that even if we can't see each other in person, we can be encouraging one another and spending time together in conversation.
I'm also trying to continue to have a positive and thankful attitude about what is going on. Thankful that I can spend more time with my family, thankful that I can have some time at home to get stuff done around the house, thankful that in this country I will most likely continue to have access to food and health care if I need it. I realize there are real concerns about finances, health, etc. Believe me, most of these affect and concern me too but I'm trying to focus on what I can be thankful about in this time instead of worrying and complaining about what I can't control.
I have moments of worry and panic and as someone who has a compromised immune system, I do worry about my health. I worry that the hospitals will become overcrowded and I may not get the help that I need if I need it. But I know that these are future worries and they only give me anxiety and fear today and do not add anything to my life. These may never be concerns for me and if they are, I once again know that God is in control and He will care for me as needed. He has always supplied for my needs and I know He will continue to do so.
I want to also be generous and caring to those who are worried and possibly in need during this time. I will not be hoarding things in my cupboard, but will be giving what I have to my friends and neighbours if they are in need. I do not need things to be sitting in my cupboard while others are in need. And if the time comes when I need those things again, I believe God will provide what I need. I encourage others to do the same. So please message me if you are in need of anything and maybe I can help!
I'm reading a book right now on healthy rhythms and how to better deal with anxiety by Rebekah Lyons. It's been really helpful and it's keeping my perspective on what is important and how to deal with my anxiety in a healthy way. It's been a great read so far and I highly recommend it. I also want to keep my focus on things that are giving me hope and joy and not filling me with fear and worry. I am thinking about listening to a sermon or a podcast each day to keep my thoughts away from covid-19.
I just wanted to share some of my coping strategies right now and I'm praying that anyone who reads this is given hope and encouragement. This time will pass and let's focus on how we can live fully even during this difficult time. Praying for you all and wishing you all good health <3
This quote popped up on my FB feed memories from 2011 yesterday and I thought it was quite fitting. "The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time." Let's all continue to live fully even in this scary time.
Monday, 17 February 2020
Free from Suffering
I haven't written a post in awhile and I wasn't really sure what to write about recently. I've been reading through the book of Mark and the other day, I read Mark 5. In that chapter, there is a passage about Jesus healing a sick woman who had been suffering with bleeding for twelve years. I read these particular couple of verses and they struck me. "When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, 'If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.' Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering." I couldn't get this sentence out of my head once I read it. It just blew me away!
As someone who has suffered from physical illness off and on, and with mental illness for many years, I wondered what that would feel like to feel in my body that I was freed from my suffering! It seems unbelievable to me, but I can only imagine what an incredible feeling it would be.
I know I am healed now from sin and that ultimately death has no victory over me, but I wonder what it would feel like on this earth to know that I was freed from my physical and mental suffering. Some people experience this here and now and I am so thankful for that. So far I have not, but that doesn't mean I can't keep praying for healing.
I just wanted to share this passage and my thoughts on it, because that line just wouldn't leave me and it encourages me greatly. To know that I have experienced ultimate healing from sin and death is something I am so grateful for. To know that others do experience healing here on earth from their physical and mental illnesses is also something to be hopeful for. But ultimately knowing that someday when I am in Heaven, I will definitely know what it is like to feel in my body that I am free from suffering. That is something to look forward to and to give me joy and hope here and now. And I hope it does for you too!
As someone who has suffered from physical illness off and on, and with mental illness for many years, I wondered what that would feel like to feel in my body that I was freed from my suffering! It seems unbelievable to me, but I can only imagine what an incredible feeling it would be.
I know I am healed now from sin and that ultimately death has no victory over me, but I wonder what it would feel like on this earth to know that I was freed from my physical and mental suffering. Some people experience this here and now and I am so thankful for that. So far I have not, but that doesn't mean I can't keep praying for healing.
I just wanted to share this passage and my thoughts on it, because that line just wouldn't leave me and it encourages me greatly. To know that I have experienced ultimate healing from sin and death is something I am so grateful for. To know that others do experience healing here on earth from their physical and mental illnesses is also something to be hopeful for. But ultimately knowing that someday when I am in Heaven, I will definitely know what it is like to feel in my body that I am free from suffering. That is something to look forward to and to give me joy and hope here and now. And I hope it does for you too!
Thursday, 5 December 2019
Conquering fear, It's not always how you think...
A few months back, I wrote a post about how I was about to do a big, scary thing for me. Well that big, scary thing is finished and I made it through! I thought it would be good for me to write about it so that I can remember it in the future when I am struggling with other fears and anxieties. And maybe I can encourage someone else by sharing my story.
I thought I might feel a big sense of relief when I finished but I don't really. The anxiety and fear just gradually faded away in time. I wish I could say that something amazing came out of me accomplishing this fear of mine, but nothing life-altering happened either.
However, I am so thankful I faced my fear and accomplished what I set out to accomplish despite the paralyzing fear and anxiety that I felt emotionally and physically. I know that this will give me future confidence when something else comes up that I feel I can't face.
I'm so thankful that God gave me the strength and daily grace I needed when I had to face my fears. I will never stop being in awe of how He does that for me.
I still experienced crippling anxiety and awful physical symptoms from facing this fear, and I wish I could say that they magically went away as I did it, but they didn't. I wish I could say I prayed about them and they vanished, but I think it shows more of God's amazing strength that He sustained me throughout it instead.
I know there were many things that I learned through this, and I know that it grew me in some pretty cool ways. I hope most of all that other people can be encouraged as I tell my story and that they, too, can know that they can face their fears and come out of them stronger.
I will always say that courage is not that you won't experience fear and anxiety, but that you keep on going despite that fear. Conquering fear may not look exactly like you would think, but it's a pretty great accomplishment when you complete something that you never thought you could. If I can do it, so can you <3
I thought I might feel a big sense of relief when I finished but I don't really. The anxiety and fear just gradually faded away in time. I wish I could say that something amazing came out of me accomplishing this fear of mine, but nothing life-altering happened either.
However, I am so thankful I faced my fear and accomplished what I set out to accomplish despite the paralyzing fear and anxiety that I felt emotionally and physically. I know that this will give me future confidence when something else comes up that I feel I can't face.
I'm so thankful that God gave me the strength and daily grace I needed when I had to face my fears. I will never stop being in awe of how He does that for me.
I still experienced crippling anxiety and awful physical symptoms from facing this fear, and I wish I could say that they magically went away as I did it, but they didn't. I wish I could say I prayed about them and they vanished, but I think it shows more of God's amazing strength that He sustained me throughout it instead.
I know there were many things that I learned through this, and I know that it grew me in some pretty cool ways. I hope most of all that other people can be encouraged as I tell my story and that they, too, can know that they can face their fears and come out of them stronger.
I will always say that courage is not that you won't experience fear and anxiety, but that you keep on going despite that fear. Conquering fear may not look exactly like you would think, but it's a pretty great accomplishment when you complete something that you never thought you could. If I can do it, so can you <3
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